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Summing up the courage to make that first leap into a sexual relationship is not easy, be it the first time ever or the first time with a new partner. We have always had our good friend ‘dutch courage’ (a couple of drinks to loosen the mood and the nerves) to help smooth out those first time jitters… but what good is that courage doing us? It may be news to some of us or all of us but alcohol is not our friend when it comes to CONSENT. The law says that when intoxicated you can not consent to sexual activity - just like you can’t drive a car.
In order to consent we need to have some basic information to make our decision. When we have been drinking or using any other intoxicating substance, we are unable to gather and process the information to give informed consent. Really being sober is just another box to throw on our check list before sexual activity. So we make sure we aren’t related…CHECK, everyone is over 16…CHECK, everyone is sober…CHECK and everyone has said yes…CHECK. Brilliant! You are good to go and explore the wonderful world of sex. Think about it what good is having sex when intoxicated? It’s hard enough opening a door when drunk let alone putting on a condom or unwrapping a dental dam and trying to negotiate what is ok for each partner and who is doing what and where. It is hard work maintaining a relationship when sober. When drunk, is our sexual rhythm going to get out of sync and inturn bust open our relationship? Who knows… whenever we are not operating at our optimum, we run the risk of not operating at all. Given too much alcohol, are we really able to talk about sex or “workshop” the bedroom issues? And then, the morning after… you wake up and the beautiful, funny, charismatic suitor is lying next to you and you can’t remember their name… say goodbye to that relationship beginning! Or perhaps there’s an odd silence when it’s the morning after with your established partner. Are you really the person they thought you were? Are they really the person you thought they were? Not so easy to work through the hazy blur of who did what? And why do i….? or how did….? Or did we use….? When you have a hangover is it ok to….?
Navigating the world of sexual activity can be wonderful, but also challenging. Keeping relationships intact and not waking up feeling like we have used someone. Or been used. Waking up feeling like we made a decision to have some fun in a way that kept everyone safe. Me, you and a bottle of Gin – we’re all still working on that one…. SHFPACT thanks Sue, a young woman, for sharing her thoughts for this opinion piece.
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