Enjoying Sex Safely
Safe sex is sexy. Sex is meant to feel good and be fun, but it can be risky if not treated with respect.
When entering into sexual relations with someone, the first thing you should do is talk about it and make sure you seek consent. Always ask someone before you start touching them or engaging in intercourse. This article talks about: safe sex, consent, decision making, STIs, unplanned pregnancy, emergency contraception, and where to go if you need advice or help.
What is sex?
Sex can mean different things to different people.
A better way to describe sex would be to say sexual activity, as sex can include a range of things. Sex can include:
- Penetration of the vulva/vagina or anus by another person using any part of the body or any object
- Putting a penis into a mouth
- Putting a mouth onto a vulva
- Any other sexual activity that may involve another person / people like kissing and mutual masturbation
This info sheet is about how to do all of these sexual activities safely.
Defining safe sex
Safe Sex is not just about taking care of your physical self, but also your emotional self. Safe sex means:
- Only having sex with the full consent of everyone involved
- Feeling good about your decision
- Preventing the transmission of sexually transmissible. infections (STIs)
- Preventing unplanned pregnancy
Sex always requires consent
No matter how you define sex, everyone involved needs to give consent if it involves another person or people.
- Consent is when someone communicates yes to something. This is best achieved by either saying yes or signing yes.
- It’s important to check in regularly to see if the person/people you are having sex with are still giving consent to what is happening. Some ways to check-in is to ask questions like:
- “Is this okay?”
- “Do you still want to do this?”
- “Do you need a break?”
- “Do you want to stop?”
- “What would you like to do next?
- If a person does not respond – they are not giving consent and all sexual activity must stop.
- If a person communicates no or that they want to stop – they are not giving consent and all sexual activity must stop.
- If a person is drunk or under the influence of drugs they are not able to give consent, and all sexual activity must stop.
- If there is any doubt, confusion, or mixed messages about consent you need to stop and talk about it.
Consent
- Must be given in every sexual encounter – every time. Even if it has been given before.
- Is required in every relationship – no matter how long you have been together or how long you plan to stay together.
- May be taken back at any time – it’s always ok for people to change their mind.
- Is an essential part of respecting the person/ people you are with and their sexual rights (and yours as well).
For more information about consent
- What is sexual consent? Factsheet from ReachOut.com
- Tea consent— An interesting take on consent
Feeling good about your decision
Sex should be a positive, pleasurable experience.
Sometimes we can feel all sorts of pressures to have sex, and while we may say yes and mean it, it’s also important to feel good about that decision.
Things that help us to make good decisions include:
- Getting all the info you need — think about where you can go to get good, accurate info on safe sex, or who you can talk to about it.
- Talking with the person/people you are about to have sex with. What are they expecting? What are you expecting? What do you feel okay about doing? What do they feel okay about doing? What do you like? What do they like? Etc.
- Thinking about how alcohol or drugs might affect things. Being drunk and/ or under the influence of other drugs can affect our ability to make good decisions and can make it harder to convey if you are giving consent or not. If you are very drunk or are high you are not able to give consent.
- Being honest — with yourself and the person/people you are with. Everyone has boundaries, and only you know what yours are.
